Blog Post 8: Conflicts
The best example from my work experience that I can think of occurred in my second year as a swim instructor. As I had mentioned in earlier posts, one of my two bosses had become a bit more detached and passive aggressive than she had been in past summers. This of course sparked some conflict.
To start all the way at the beginning, this conflict started in the third week of the summer. On that Thursday afternoon, there were a few of us employees helping our boss (R) move. Among us was one guy in particular who had been working at the pool for five years or more (we will call him S). While moving, R was a bit clipped and no nonsense, instead of her usual laid back self. S commented to a few of us and said it was a bit odd. At this point I would say that their personal and work relationship deteriorated a little bit.
About two weeks later, we had a special day. At the end of the last class of each two week session, we would allow the children to go down the water slides for fifteen minutes. Most kids loved this, but a few of the younger ones would become very nervous, especially if it was their first session. On this slide day, our other boss was away sick and since it was the last day of the session, S was filling in for some her duties, since he was the most senior instructor. Because S had been around for so long he often helped in setting schedules, settling issues with parents or training when the season got busy, but this was one of the few times he unofficially took on all of the responsibilities of a manager.
On this particular slide day, S spent his entire fifteen minutes coaxing one little girl to go down the slides. She finally managed it right at the end of the fifteen minutes. When she got to the bottom her parents and the instructors cheered and the little girl was so happy that she wanted to go again. However, R had already stopped others from progressing up the path to the slides and told her that she would have to wait two more weeks. The little girl actually burst into tears, which was kind of sad (R wasn't rude, in fact she was very gentle, but I think the little girl was a little emotionally drawn after the highs and lows of the water slide). S tried to advocate for the girl and jokingly said that he was basically manager for a day, so his vote had to count for something. R then said something along the lines of "That's cute, but we know who does the real work around here", which seemed a bit harsh to say in front of all the other parents and instructors, especially with how much S contributed to the pool. S was visibly angered, but dropped the issue. This would be the first sign of conflict.
About a month later, we received mid-season reviews, written by R this year. S in particular received an oddly harsh review and even went as far as to talk with our other boss about having it taken out of his record with the company. At this point S became much more vocal about his conflict with R to the other swim instructors. With many of us also receiving what we believed to be harsh reviews, we didn't do much to calm him down. R and S proceeded to both talk to the instructors behind each others backs. S proclaimed that R needed to loosen up and not be so controlling, using a range of colorful language. R insisted that S needed an attitude adjustment and was out of control. Both lost a decent amount of respect among the instructors, but it didn't seem to slow either of them down.
In the end, there was no peak to the conflict, other than an increase in tense moments between the two. In the end, after six years at the pool, S chose not to return the next summer, directly stating R as the reason that he chose not to. A few of his friends who had been there for years chose to move on then too and I believe they were short staffed the following year.
In my personal opinion, this is one of the worst kinds of conflict, where both parties refuse to address an issue that could probably easily be resolved, if not made much better by addressing it. The two had been friends for years, I'm almost positive that they could have reached an understanding if either of them had just stood up and faced it.
In B&D, this scenario definitely falls under the Model 1 category. Both of the parties assumed that they were right with no thought for the others perspective. Then, they proceeded to propose their own solutions to everyone but the other person, culminating in some awkward situations for the rest of the instructors. In the end, they never made it to steps 4, 5 or 6, but that was because they never reached a face to face confrontation.
Probably the B&D feature that best describes this conflict is the advocacy vs. inquiry chart. Both could be described as passive, with low levels of inquiry and advocacy. Neither advocated a solution to the other or even started a dialogue and neither had the slightest interest in the other's perspective or ideas about the situation.
Overall, I see both sides of the conflict, in all of these small conflicts, both sides had a point and I think that by simply talking things over, the conflict could have been easily resolved.
To start all the way at the beginning, this conflict started in the third week of the summer. On that Thursday afternoon, there were a few of us employees helping our boss (R) move. Among us was one guy in particular who had been working at the pool for five years or more (we will call him S). While moving, R was a bit clipped and no nonsense, instead of her usual laid back self. S commented to a few of us and said it was a bit odd. At this point I would say that their personal and work relationship deteriorated a little bit.
About two weeks later, we had a special day. At the end of the last class of each two week session, we would allow the children to go down the water slides for fifteen minutes. Most kids loved this, but a few of the younger ones would become very nervous, especially if it was their first session. On this slide day, our other boss was away sick and since it was the last day of the session, S was filling in for some her duties, since he was the most senior instructor. Because S had been around for so long he often helped in setting schedules, settling issues with parents or training when the season got busy, but this was one of the few times he unofficially took on all of the responsibilities of a manager.
On this particular slide day, S spent his entire fifteen minutes coaxing one little girl to go down the slides. She finally managed it right at the end of the fifteen minutes. When she got to the bottom her parents and the instructors cheered and the little girl was so happy that she wanted to go again. However, R had already stopped others from progressing up the path to the slides and told her that she would have to wait two more weeks. The little girl actually burst into tears, which was kind of sad (R wasn't rude, in fact she was very gentle, but I think the little girl was a little emotionally drawn after the highs and lows of the water slide). S tried to advocate for the girl and jokingly said that he was basically manager for a day, so his vote had to count for something. R then said something along the lines of "That's cute, but we know who does the real work around here", which seemed a bit harsh to say in front of all the other parents and instructors, especially with how much S contributed to the pool. S was visibly angered, but dropped the issue. This would be the first sign of conflict.
About a month later, we received mid-season reviews, written by R this year. S in particular received an oddly harsh review and even went as far as to talk with our other boss about having it taken out of his record with the company. At this point S became much more vocal about his conflict with R to the other swim instructors. With many of us also receiving what we believed to be harsh reviews, we didn't do much to calm him down. R and S proceeded to both talk to the instructors behind each others backs. S proclaimed that R needed to loosen up and not be so controlling, using a range of colorful language. R insisted that S needed an attitude adjustment and was out of control. Both lost a decent amount of respect among the instructors, but it didn't seem to slow either of them down.
In the end, there was no peak to the conflict, other than an increase in tense moments between the two. In the end, after six years at the pool, S chose not to return the next summer, directly stating R as the reason that he chose not to. A few of his friends who had been there for years chose to move on then too and I believe they were short staffed the following year.
In my personal opinion, this is one of the worst kinds of conflict, where both parties refuse to address an issue that could probably easily be resolved, if not made much better by addressing it. The two had been friends for years, I'm almost positive that they could have reached an understanding if either of them had just stood up and faced it.
In B&D, this scenario definitely falls under the Model 1 category. Both of the parties assumed that they were right with no thought for the others perspective. Then, they proceeded to propose their own solutions to everyone but the other person, culminating in some awkward situations for the rest of the instructors. In the end, they never made it to steps 4, 5 or 6, but that was because they never reached a face to face confrontation.
Probably the B&D feature that best describes this conflict is the advocacy vs. inquiry chart. Both could be described as passive, with low levels of inquiry and advocacy. Neither advocated a solution to the other or even started a dialogue and neither had the slightest interest in the other's perspective or ideas about the situation.
Overall, I see both sides of the conflict, in all of these small conflicts, both sides had a point and I think that by simply talking things over, the conflict could have been easily resolved.
You told an interesting story, but I was confused by some of it. At the beginning, it sounded like the tension was caused by a specific thing - R moving. I believe that when somebody is under high stress and that is obvious to everyone else, the normal response is to cut that person some slack.
ReplyDeleteThereafter it sounded as if R was acting pretty much the same way as on the day of the move, but without the cause that would be obvious to everyone else. Had something else changed for R that you were aware of? Or was her behavior largely unexplained? I couldn't tell that from the story.
I gather that in prior years R and S got along okay and that R did okay as a boss. If that is true, it really would have been good to identify the cause. Also, I don't understand the fully structure of this work. Was there somebody even higher up than R to whom she reported? If so, that person probably needed to intervene in some way. If not, perhaps the other boss you mentioned needed to do something. Did any of you approach the other boss?
The source of R's change in behavior was never identified or else I definitely would have included it. I did know of some stresses going on in her life at the time that probably contributed though.
DeleteFor one, she was writing her thesis for her masters in education at the time. For another, she was starting a new job in the fall, hence the move. While all of these factors would of course create stress, none of them were directly linked to work at the pool and none of us were ever able to figure out if they were the reason for R's change in behavior. She never opened up to any of us either, to my knowledge.
In prior years R was a great boss, probably the best I ever had actually. R would have reported to the director of aquatics, but he was rarely involved in day to day activities, so it's unlikely he would have noticed her change in behavior. I also don't think anyone would have gone as far as to report her either.